Many thanks for your recent mail and my special birthday offer. However, on this occasion I think I will give it a miss.
You see, as lovely as "Doris" is (and lets face it, she's the one with the modelling career - not me!), I am struggling to identify with her and her desire for a lovely funeral plan. In my head, I am still believing that I could "pull" Enrique Iglesias. I still feel like a teenage girl, and you are wanting me to grow up far too quickly.
PS Could you also tell those lovely people who keep sending me brochures for cruises that my idea of a great holiday is living in the same pair of denim shorts for 2 weeks in a field.